1. Task Achievement——overview+key features图表信息概述+主要特征(小作文题目要求中明确指出：Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.)
2. Coherence and cohesion——organization组织性：分段和分句，尤其是要注意句与句之间的逻辑关系和衔接手段，这直接决定着语法上的句式多样性和复杂性
The charts show the information about the water consumption and water residential use in Australia in 2004.
The charts include the information which represent the Australian water consumption and residential use in 2004.
The residential cost +of water is divided into two parts,》: one is +for house and another one》the other is +for apartment. The house one》The former accounted for the most part which is》was 57 percent. As for the apartment, one》itis much less than +the water use inside the house, which is only 13 percent. There are also several other fields, including industry, business, government and others. but compare with the residential use , their total cost is only a small section. others take 3 percent which is the smallest one. government is the second smallest which only occupied 6 percent. the business and industry are respectively 10 percent and 11 percent.
Compared with the residential water usage, several other fields consumed only a small section of water, including industry, business, government and others, the amount of which are 11[[[%]]], 10[[[%]]], 6[[[%]]] and 3[[[%]]] respectively.(提高句子表达效率和效果)
In addition, there are five parts will have》need water consumption inside a home,》. They are bathroom, toilet, washing clothes, kitchen and garden.>, each accounting for 28[[[%]]] 15[[[%]]] 20[[[%]]] 10[[[%]]] and 27[[[%]]] separately.
The charts show the information about the water consumption and water residential use in Australia in 2004.——改写
The pie chart compares the amount of water consumed in some different areas in the year 2004 in Australia. The table shows how much water was consumed in Australian families.
It is clear that most of water was used in the domestic sector, while outdoor water use accounted for a big part.——overview
We can see from the pie chart that water exerted a big role in the local family since 70[[[%]]] of water was consumed indoors, with 57[[[%]]] in residential houses and 13[[[%]]] of it used in residential apartments, while然而 governments and businesses needed lots of water, at around 10[[[%]]] respectively.——饼图
Although outdoor water use, such as gardening, made up approximately 30[[[%]]] of household use, the rest of themwas》were used in the room. 28[[[%]]] of water was used for shower, followed by washing clothes (20[[[%]]]). Toilet and kitchen seemed to consume the least water in the bar chart.——柱图
water was consumed
needed lots of water
water was used for shower
consume the least water
(4)语法方面，the rest of them was显然主谓不一致，应该改成were，但是这些问题并不影响理解。